So, I want to tell you about this time I saved the DoorDash guy. I ordered DoorDash, and the guy got stuck, in Lake Waco. But let me back up. First off, after class, I was with my friend Ken at his house. They had never ordered DoorDash – didn’t even think they can get it to their home – so I figured I’d order for them. We chose P.F. Chang’s for the whole family, grandkids, everybody, probably about 7 or 8 of us, and we’re waiting for DoorDash just playing cards.

The guy calls up and says he’s 1 mile away. I open the app, look, and he is 1 mile away, right? But you can’t get there from here, so he keeps saying he’s one mile away. He’s on speakerphone in front of everybody. So I thought he will be delayed a few minutes. Then finally, he says he’s stuck. I thought he meant metaphorically stuck, so I told him to go around. But he was literally stuck. So I hung up, and told him I would be there in a minute.

What that guy didn’t know was I bought a tow strap in case I had to pull someone out. I had it for three trucks now, bought it when I my first diesel truck. So, we set out to find this guy. We checked the usual spots where people get lost from my buddy’s house. No luck. I finally tell him to drop me a pin. He does, but he’s got bad coverage, so it takes a while. By the time I get the pin, we’re almost there.

We’re driving down a major road and there’s like a right turn into sketchy nowhere. A road that looks more like a bad driveway you don’t even want to go down. This guy drives on this road, gravel, small road, not used much, and then we come across high grass – titty high grass, you know what I mean. He drove farther than I would’ve down that titty high grass. I stopped my truck and asked my friend if we should drive down here. Ken is super mild-mannered, doesn’t cuss, and he was like, “I wouldn’t drive down there.” However, this guy’s pin is in front of us, so we continue on. We drive through the tall grass down this road that ain’t a road.

Finally, we come upon the guy. He’s off the side of the road, only 2 wheels and maybe the bumper are over the road, and he’s down off the road at a 45° angle. I get out of the truck, walk up, and see him. This guy looks like a mix between Bubbles from Trailer Park Boys and Santa Claus – old, pure white beard, big glasses. I ask him why in the F he ended up down here. This man looked me dead in my eye, and told me the GPS fuck me. I am at an all-time new low. From this point forward, I tried to be as calm, professional as I could. I can only imagine what that all-time new low felt like and I felt sorry for him.

I grab my tow hook. Meanwhile, Ken gets out of the truck, walks up, and in almost exact words goes, “Golly G, Mr., are you OK? How did you get this far?” I already had my tow hook in my hand, ready to pull him out. He was shocked I was ready so quickly. Later, I heard him telling his wife that it wasn’t two seconds before I had that hook in my hand. But I’d been waiting to use that hook for three trucks, over a decade.

The guy’s looking under the front of the car for a tow hook. But I’m thinking he has zero mechanical knowledge, so I don’t bother asking his opinion. Finally, he gets out from under the car, and I look under.

When trying to pull the guy out, I was in my diesel truck, in 2-wheel drive. I just tried to back up and gingerly pull him out. That car was anchored, not budging. That’s what my tow straps are for. They get a little stretchy, so I pull up, give a little gas backwards, and finally drag this guy into the middle of the road. It wasn’t pretty, but it’s what had to happen.

Once he’s out, I unhook. Now I realize, and this made me livid, that I got to back out this whole messed up way because there’s no way to turn around. That’s how this guy got stuck. So now, in the pitch darkness, uphill and titty high grass, I got to back my truck out a mile from Lake Waco. I start backing up, go a long way, and then find a driveway to turn around.

Later while delivering PF Changs that last mile my friend Ken, who I have never heard curse ever, said, “Well, if you didn’t save him, he would’ve just Fucking died out there.” I never laughed so hard in my life. An F bomb from the guy I have never heard one time in my life use a cuss word. That’s when I knew I actually saved a life today   

Shrekout.